02 November 2009

so it is.

at the beginning of july i took a risk.
the only things at stake:
a few bucks
a pinch of my time
and a slice of my heart.

my little etsy shop has been open for nearly 4 months...
with zero sales.

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't discouraged.
i'd also be lying if i said i had invested myself into all of my work 100%...
which has only been some of my photographs.
the truth is i've been in a stalling pattern, waiting,
for more time, more ideas, more money for supplies to create the work
that is spilling out of my soul.

the other bit of the truth is that i'm cheating myself.
i'm not pouring myself out.
as much as i want to be able to survive as an artist by making sales
and having people respond to what i'm doing,
this is also for me...
my spirit
and my mind that keeps turning
and the sketchbooks with all the ideas
and even those little slivers of paper i write on
 to get my ideas down
so i can sleep soundly knowing they are safely cemented
and not dissolving as i dream.

i love photography.
but there is so much more inside of me.
my illustrations are dormant.
my transfers are still unborn.
and my silver has yet to know an audience
(i guess that's because i haven't made anything except what i learned in class).

everything is coming into fruition.
i am just a few more weeks hopefully from having all of the silversmithing supplies i need.
however, until everything is ready,
my store is closing.
partly because i'm embarassed,
but mostly because i want a new chance at unveiling.
i hope to reopen in january with more pieces of me.
if there are still no sales...
well, that's ok.
the shop is a platform to ensure my creativity
doesn't shrivel up
under the weight of the real world.
that it doesn't disppear in the crowd of
housework, obligation, and one day "mommy."
as long as there is possibility,
i will try
and have fun making things.

i hope to always create.
i hope to always take photographs for me.
it would just be nice to be reimbursed.
it would be even nicer
to inaudibly speak to someone through an image
or a sleek silver morsel.

this isn't a poor me
or a shame on you.
it's a thank you for encouraging
and inspiring.

i'm still going to journal...errrr, blog...
because i have to unload my heart.
but the shop will close tonight.
and it i will come back alive in the new year
and, until then,
i will be pushing myself.


{{ i've used the word hope a lot, that's probably a good thing }}


  1. Your work is beautiful, your blog is beautiful, and the silversmithing pieces you made in class made me wish I had paid more attetion in my own classes. "if you build it, they will come"- wishing you success in all your endeavors.

  2. Push on my sweetest friend: when the fit is right things will gel and you'll
    be so glad you poured more into it.
    I have faith in your art and your heart.

  3. susie- thank you for always being so kind and encouraging.

    sunny- i love your face, thank you for everything :)

  4. you are a true, talented, gifted, inspiring artist-

    "i hope to always create."-there is no stopping you..no way, no how. it's flowing through you, around you.

    etsy is a great avenue to sell through-unfortunately it seems unless a buyer knows exactly who/what they are looking for the many talented sellers are waiting just as you are. (seems like that to me anyhow.)

    but, like i said, there is no stopping your creativity-keep creating & writing, you inspire me!