so it is.

at the beginning of july i took a risk.

the only things at stake:

a few bucks

a pinch of my time

and a slice of my heart.

my little etsy shop has been open for nearly 4 months...

with zero sales.

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't discouraged.

i'd also be lying if i said i had invested myself into all of my work 100%...

which has only been some of my photographs.

the truth is i've been in a stalling pattern, waiting,

for more time, more ideas, more money for supplies to create the work

that is spilling out of my soul.

the other bit of the truth is that i'm cheating myself.

i'm not pouring myself out.

as much as i want to be able to survive as an artist by making sales

and having people respond to what i'm doing,

this is also for me...

my spirit

and my mind that keeps turning

and the sketchbooks with all the ideas

and even those little slivers of paper i write on
 to get my ideas down

so i can sleep soundly knowing they are safely cemented

and not dissolving as i dream.

i love photography.

but there is so much more inside of me.

my illustrations are dormant.

my transfers are still unborn.

and my silver has yet to know an audience

(i guess that's because i haven't made anything except what i learned in class).

BUT

everything is coming into fruition.

i am just a few more weeks hopefully from having all of the silversmithing supplies i need.

however, until everything is ready,

my store is closing.
partly because i'm embarassed,
but mostly because i want a new chance at unveiling.

i hope to reopen in january with more pieces of me.

if there are still no sales...

well, that's ok.

the shop is a platform to ensure my creativity
doesn't shrivel up

under the weight of the real world.

that it doesn't disppear in the crowd of

housework, obligation, and one day "mommy."
as long as there is possibility,
i will try
and have fun making things.

i hope to always create.

i hope to always take photographs for me.

it would just be nice to be reimbursed.

it would be even nicer

to inaudibly speak to someone through an image

or a sleek silver morsel.

this isn't a poor me

or a shame on you.

it's a thank you for encouraging

and inspiring.

i'm still going to journal...errrr, blog...

because i have to unload my heart.

but the shop will close tonight.

and it i will come back alive in the new year

and, until then,

i will be pushing myself.

fly,

sarah

{{ i've used the word hope a lot, that's probably a good thing }}