why?

last summer i stumbled onto etsy during a google search.

last winter i decided to do some Christmas shopping the

handmade way

and came across this:

Gentled But Not Broken Ring

by thenoisyplume

{{THIS IS NOT MY DESIGN.

IT WAS MADE BY THE TALENTED JILLIAN

AT THE NOISY PLUME!}}

so, i see this image of jillian wearing this

undoubtedly beautiful ring.

 intrigued,

i decided to look at her shop and read more about this

giant piece of turquoise.

i read the description

and something inside of me understood.

so, i purchased the ring.

when it arrived, i examined it.

for the first time, i thought about jewelry as art.

i thought about it as having heart strings.

it was no different than the photos and paintings i was finding myself drawn to.

this piece of metal and stone was breathed into life in such a way that

i knew myself better.

i've had jewelry that was important to me,

but not jewelry that was LIKE me...if that makes any sense.

so, even though the ring is a 7.5 and the largest size that fits me is a 7,

i keep it and wear it anyway.

because something still and sleeping was stirred up in my chest, and

 i wanted to know how to bend silver and

how to set stones, and

everything in me that i had been trying to pour into my art

was pounding around begging to be laid in metal.

i asked my teachers what they knew about silversmithing.

i looked up videos on youtube.

around the time i graduated college,

i remember telling my husband i found a class i wanted to take.

he agreed, and

in july i was there.

by the last few days, i stayed in the studio the entire day.

the teacher would leave for lunch and dinner...

my friend and i ordered in.

i just didn't want to stop.

since then, i have slowly been stowing away cabs,

collecting supplies,

hoarding sketches,

and trying to gain confidence.

and that's where i'm stuck.

i have a studio.

more than enough supplies to begin.

plenty of ideas.

an etsy shop.

notes from people i believe in tacked to my board,

ready to enourage and inspire.

but. i'm. frozen.

why is that?

why am i so scared to fail?

why am i not living my heart?

why am i blogging right now instead of playing with my torch?

why?

has anyone else ever felt this way?

ugh.

fly,

sarah beth