13 January 2010

why?

last summer i stumbled onto etsy during a google search.
last winter i decided to do some Christmas shopping the
handmade way
and came across this:

Gentled But Not Broken Ring

{{THIS IS NOT MY DESIGN.
IT WAS MADE BY THE TALENTED JILLIAN
AT THE NOISY PLUME!}}

so, i see this image of jillian wearing this
undoubtedly beautiful ring.
 intrigued,
i decided to look at her shop and read more about this
giant piece of turquoise.
i read the description
and something inside of me understood.
so, i purchased the ring.
when it arrived, i examined it.
for the first time, i thought about jewelry as art.
i thought about it as having heart strings.
it was no different than the photos and paintings i was finding myself drawn to.
this piece of metal and stone was breathed into life in such a way that
i knew myself better.
i've had jewelry that was important to me,
but not jewelry that was LIKE me...if that makes any sense.

so, even though the ring is a 7.5 and the largest size that fits me is a 7,
i keep it and wear it anyway.
because something still and sleeping was stirred up in my chest, and
 i wanted to know how to bend silver and
how to set stones, and
everything in me that i had been trying to pour into my art
was pounding around begging to be laid in metal.

i asked my teachers what they knew about silversmithing.
i looked up videos on youtube.
around the time i graduated college,
i remember telling my husband i found a class i wanted to take.
he agreed, and
in july i was there.
by the last few days, i stayed in the studio the entire day.
the teacher would leave for lunch and dinner...
my friend and i ordered in.
i just didn't want to stop.

since then, i have slowly been stowing away cabs,
collecting supplies,
hoarding sketches,
and trying to gain confidence.
and that's where i'm stuck.

i have a studio.
more than enough supplies to begin.
plenty of ideas.
an etsy shop.
notes from people i believe in tacked to my board,
ready to enourage and inspire.
but. i'm. frozen.
why is that?

why am i so scared to fail?
why am i not living my heart?
why am i blogging right now instead of playing with my torch?
why?
has anyone else ever felt this way?
ugh.


fly,
sarah beth

4 comments:

  1. i feel that way almost every single day, beautiful wife.

    just gotta force your feet to move and the soul follows soon enough... and before you know it you're flying

    i love you and have fun with bill =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Sweet, Sweet Friend,

    Everyone feels this way about what they love: everything sacred takes that first step into the temple, and it's a daunting one.
    Two years into silversmithing and I still pause quietly before I work, and sometimes that pause takes a few days.

    Just do something TINY. I mean tiny tiny tiny. Make a simple, hammered ring from 20 gauge wire. Sometimes when you have such lofty ambitions the valley between the mountain of where-you-are-now and the giant peak of where-you-want-to-be feels impossible to pass - start tiny.

    Treat each day in the studio as a chance to learn how solder flows, how flux looks when it's ready to melt, experiement with flame tempterature: melt some bezels, hang out doing nothing....

    I believe in your path and I am so excited to see all the firsts :)

    Love,
    Allison

    ReplyDelete
  3. We appear to be in the same boat. Let's jump into the water together, shall we.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Right here rooting you on, lady. And am always here if you need anything.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete