and just like that...

he is here.

Isaiah Christian // 10.11.10 // 1:04PM // 7lbs 8oz // 21 inches

now this is love.

awaiting the fall.

an honest dose.

labor day.

sounds innocent enough.

tomorrow i'll be 34 weeks along.

34 weeks.

enough time for a life to be knitted together.

being pregnant has been...

amazing.

inspiring.

challenging.

surprising.

to say the least.

i really had hoped to document the whole experience more.

to take more photos, write out more thoughts and discoveries.

i have managed to keep a simple time line of the when's and how's...

but i think maybe i've been busy living and thinking and feeling

and not as concerned with getting it down.

but i know i'll wish i had...

when this huge step is just another blurry memory.

right now, i'm in the middle of it though.

right now, he's moving my whole entire belly trying to get comfortable.

basically, since finding out we were expecting back in the winter,

it's gone a little something like this:

elation. bewilderment. unquenchable joy. fear. worry. doubt.

guilt. panic. excitement. even greater fear. relief. disbelief.

deep, deep love. anxiety. anticipation.

did i say fear?

i've cried over the Olympics.

i've tossed and turned in bed wanting cantalope so bad i

couldn't sleep.

i've dreamed dreams that could possibly be turned into full length feature films...

sometimes horror flicks.

i've felt too old.

i've felt too young.

i've felt beautiful,

like an empowered goddess,

timelessly connected to the women who lived before me,

like a vessel for growth and mystery.

also, i've felt like a water buffalo.

i have felt spiritually connected.

and emotionally drained.

i've felt so undeservedly blessed.

so, so blessed.

i've enjoyed the attention and pampering,

yet have gotten so tired of not being able to do absolutely everything i'm used to...

i've been tired of being cautious.

i've craved sushi and starbucks very badly.

i've had my mind completely blown by the wonder and power of God

and the intricate details of life and my body's ability to adapt and change.

i've felt time stand still.

i've felt time evaporate.

i've watched my feet swell and my belly grow...and not just my belly.

oh, no, the girls aren't giving up without a fight.

yet, somehow i've only gained 11 pounds?

i've conquered deep rooted fears.

and met new ones.

i've tossed and turned in bed with my back hurting so bad i couldn't sleep.

i've been depressed.

and felt guilty about being depressed.

i've felt like an alien spaceship controlled by a small, highly intelligent being.

i've felt alone.

i've been showered with encouragement and support and affirmation.

i've felt like i'm living out my purpose.

i've fallen more in love with paul.

i've mourned the death of the old me.

and embraced the new one.

and somehow realized i'm exactly the same

though things will forever be different.

no one told me about the hard parts.

i mean, beyond issues of comfort or inconvenience.

no one could have explained the good parts.

words don't even scratch the surface.

i guess i just needed to get some of this off my chest

and out into the world.

perhaps i'll go to bed now...

though i'll be up in two hours to use the bathroom again i'm sure :)

it's a...

BOY, Oh BOY!!!

Close your eyes,

Have no fear,

The monsters gone,

He's on the run and your daddy's here,

Beautiful,

Beautiful, beautiful,

Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,

Say a little prayer,

Every day in every way,

It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,

Beautiful, beautiful,

Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,

I can hardly wait,

To see you to come of age,

But I guess we'll both,

Just have to be patient,

Yes it's a long way to go,

But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,

Take my hand,

Life is just what happens to you,

While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful,

Beautiful, beautiful,

Beautiful Boy

-John Lennon

oh the suspense!!!

ooooh, baby!

(at 16 weeks, 4 days)

(a pastel sketch to pass the time)

sunday was my first mother's day.

i can't even express how tremendous

my heart felt everytime someone simply reminded me.

i did get some very sweet cards

and a lovely hand knit pot holder.

BUT...

TOMORROW IS MY REAL GIFT.

TOMORROW WE WILL KNOW (hopefully) IF BABY B IS A BOY OR A GIRL!!!!

EEEEEEEK!!!!

what do you think?

i'm thinking a boy...

speed of life.

WOW.

fly,

sarah beth

not a moment too soon.

i'm not even sure what thoughts have been occupying my mind lately.
everything is dizzy like the wind.
my head is in the stars, wearing saturn's rings for sunglasses.

i'm 10 weeks pregnant.
it's scary to say that,
it all seems so fragile and delicate.
my secret diamond on the inside.
there is life growing.
the Creator is creating a masterpiece,
and all i have to do is eat, drink, breathe, sleep and
wait.

and we are moving.
same town, different house...
on my family's land.
the original farm house.
it's quite a bit smaller,
but it sits atop a hill as well,
with siding the color of buttery sunshine.
it has a front porch that overlooks one of the ponds.
at night you can hear the peepers in the marsh.
i know this, because it is the house i lived in when i was little.
i'm excited to plant a garden:
strawberries, blackberries, tomatoes, cucumbers, roses...
i'm really nostalgic about the whole idea.
but right now, i'm really tired of packing.
i'm a touch sad about leaving this house,
as it was our first home.
i'm mostly just tired.
i hear that's because i'm pregnant.

i'm excited about spring and all the change it brings.
everything truly is wonderful.
i just opened the front door and
big, fat warm rain drops smacked me on the cheek.

fly,

sarah beth

life.

: )